"Revenge of the Killer Shrews"
By Bart Grieb
“It was a dark and stormy nightmare.”
Plagued by nightmares of his dead wife Helen burying him alive, Retired Army Captain Rex Harrison awakens every morning to a self-induced solitary life of alcoholism, a dingy apartment he can't afford, and a pet raccoon who no longer loves him.
After his 15 years of forced solitude, salvation comes knocking on Rex’s door. Enter Army General Marcus Learer. Marcus presents Rex with a Top Secret Mission and a chance to free himself from his own personal hell.
Rex’s mission, if he chooses to accept it: To return to the island from which he barely escaped 15 years ago in order to investigate strange electromagnetic disturbances on the island and shipping containers being sent to and from the island, possibly by the terrorist organization The Flamond Corporation.
With great reluctance Rex agrees to join Marcus on the mission.
The next morning, Rex and Marcus board The Raging Queen, a high tech reconnaissance boat. The Queen sets sail for the island, piloted by Big Jim Slade, captain of the ship and leader of a small but elite detachment of Marines.
After a standoff with a Flamond Corp. tall ship, the Queen barely escapes, only to be struck by lighting in the middle of a
Rex and the rest of the crew abandon the sinking ship and swim the rest of the way to the island.
The men infiltrate the island and make their way to a large castle compound surrounded by an electric fence.
Rex and Marcus stow away in shipping containers to get into the compound and cut the main power to the electric fence, allowing the rest ofthe group to tunnel under the fence.
Once inside, the group splits up. Rex and Marcus head down into the bowels of the castle toward what they believe to be the source of the electromagnetic disturbance. Big Jim leads the rest of the soldiers to plant charges in hopes of destroying the castle.
Rex and Marcus make their way to the source of the disturbance, and right into the clutches of... Mrs. Dorothy Holland!
Dorothy, the reproductive scientist and transvestite once thought dead, is now running the compound and has created a Solonite Bomb,a bomb which when launched into space could send an electromagnetic pulse, rendering all the world's satellites useless - thus plunging the world into communicational chaos.
It is soon revealed that the evil plot has been orchestrated by none other than the evil Dr. Flamond. Dr. Flamond has been resurrected from the dead and exists only as a severed head, kept alive in a pan of neck juice.
After a brief imprisonment by Dorothy and her centurion guards, Rex, Marcus, Big Jim and the soldiers escape just as the
explosives they planted start to go off!
Marcus and Rex are about to reach safety when Rex, in an act of selfless bravery, decides to go back for Dorothy and Dr. Flamond, who are trapped in the bowels of the compound.
Rex saves Dorothy and the Flamond head. The three narrowly escape the burning castle.
But evil is as evil does, and once outside Dorothy turns on Rex,
holding him at gunpoint. Dorothy is about to shoot Rex when... Marcus speeds in driving a Honda Civic. He rescues Rex but not before Dorothy has a chance to hit the car with a bullet - causing it to burst into flames!
Rex and Marcus manage to get the flaming Honda almost to the tree line of the compound to rendezvous with Big Jim and the other soldiers when suddenly they run directly into the film crew!
The film's director stops Marcus, Rex and Dorothy. He explains to the actors that the movie is out of money and will have to be shutdown.
After brainstorming with the producers they decide that product placement is only way to make the money to finish the film.
The producers makes a few phone calls and several companies sign on to help finance the rest of the film.
We continue the movie where it left off but this time with Dorothy, Rex and Marcus promoting various products within the context of the film, such as the Honda Civic, Power-Aid energy drinks, and Papa Gino’s sandwiches.
It looks like Rex and the group are about to make it to the shoreline and off the island. Dorothy finally releases the genetically altered killing machines - THE KILLER SHREWS!
The ravenous blood thirsty mutated Shrews kill the soldiers and Big Jim. Marcus and Rex barely escape with their lives. They make it to the shore line and are almost to the last life raft when Dorothy catches up to them. Dorothy holds them at gunpoint. She is about to shoot Rex and Marcus when several Shrews burst from the woods. The shrews tear their creator apart- but not before she presses a button on her life alert necklace and detonates the Solonite bomb -thus destroying the Earth’s satellites!
Rex and Marcus watch, helpless to stop it. The magnitude of the blast causes the island itself sinks into the sea.
Rex and Marcus get into the life raft and sail away into the sunset, prepared to face a brave new world without global communication.